Dysfunctionally_Functioning

I know for a fact that I am an emotional person. I try daily to keep my emotions in check and not make any decisions based out of emotions. What do you do when you're emotions get the best of you or you feel threatened? That's a problem I face in my new relationship. Its a challenge. I am very passionate. That passion can be used to fuel my love or my craziness. When I love I love hard. Once I've let someone in you're in. If I'm with you I'm with you. There is no halfway there is no in between or gray area. Its black or white all or nothing. I realize that due to past situations and relationships that I have been apart of makes me react in certain ways which is always not the best. So how do u combat that? How do u keep ur emotions from ruining something good. I have everything I want within this relationship. This is one like I've never had the pleasure of seeing in my lifetime. I've never seen it with a friend I've never seen it with a family member. In my family every household has been ran by women. Men always take the back seat. Now I find myself in a situation where this house is ran by the man. We talk things through but ultimately the final decision belongs to him. The motto here is I was a man when u came I'll be a man if you leave. So in other words get right or get left. I can be violent at times though I try to curb it. This could slowly be the undoing of my relationship. Idk how to function in this. I thank God that he's willing to talk things through and ride this emotional roller coaster but for how long? I don't believe I do things on purpose but I react out of what I know. *sigh* what's a girl to do?

Labels: Journey To A Better Me, Random thoughts and feelings, Relationships

I know for a fact that I am an emotional person. I try daily to keep my emotions in check and not make any decisions based out of emotions. What do you do when you're emotions get the best of you or you feel threatened? That's a problem I face in my new relationship. Its a challenge. I am very passionate. That passion can be used to fuel my love or my craziness. When I love I love hard. Once I've let someone in you're in. If I'm with you I'm with you. There is no halfway there is no in between or gray area. Its black or white all or nothing. I realize that due to past situations and relationships that I have been apart of makes me react in certain ways which is always not the best. So how do u combat that? How do u keep ur emotions from ruining something good. I have everything I want within this relationship. This is one like I've never had the pleasure of seeing in my lifetime. I've never seen it with a friend I've never seen it with a family member. In my family every household has been ran by women. Men always take the back seat. Now I find myself in a situation where this house is ran by the man. We talk things through but ultimately the final decision belongs to him. The motto here is I was a man when u came I'll be a man if you leave. So in other words get right or get left. I can be violent at times though I try to curb it. This could slowly be the undoing of my relationship. Idk how to function in this. I thank God that he's willing to talk things through and ride this emotional roller coaster but for how long? I don't believe I do things on purpose but I react out of what I know. *sigh* what's a girl to do?

Labels: Journey To A Better Me, Random thoughts and feelings, Relationships

i cant beieve i spent all this time typing to lose everything after i saved everything multiple times or so i thought uggh! Man it has really been a long long time since i last updated or logged in. it feels real arkward. Life today is good for me though. I have a new man in my life someone who I really feel is a God send. We have our share of ups and downs like any couple but the fact that we are willing to tslk things out and work through things is a big plus. Especially with the last few relationships i've had. I have a lot of issues that this relationship is bringing them out. But he is really hanging in there. Sometimes I think i may have some self sabotage secretly going on. Sometimes the hardest thing in the world is to have a good man after having a bad one. Its almost surreal. I've known him literally half of my life. I can say that I never saw this one coming. Even when we were gits I thought he was cute but never someone I would try. Im actually glad I didnt because I wouldnt have him now. This is the happiest Ive been in a very long time and I pray it continues.

Labels: Journey To A Better Me, Relationships

Man it really have been awhile. I did not realize just how long its been since
I've posted anything or even logged in. This past year has been a roller coaster ride. I compromised myself for the sake of a man. Still recovering from that one. I completely lost myself in that one. it was a situation I as so determined to make work that I lost myself, didnt recognize myself. Never let anyone use you no matter the situation. Sometimes we can be uor own worst enemies ya know? I had a lot to realize in that situation and I still get leary from time to time. I honestly have to thank God that I was able to get myself together enough that I didnt lose my mind. I had a minor set back with school but that is working itself out as well. I have a new man in my life that I feel is a God send. I mean really everything that I could go for everything I want. Its funny that its someone that Ive been knowing since I as abut 14. not usually someone i would go for but everyth8ing i like if that makes sense. Things have been moving a little swift maybe too swift but in a good way. My dad and all of his drama have been living with me since christmas driving me insane. It really has been a roller coaster. I really really like having my space and I have definitely not had any of that lately. ive been relaxing with the new boo for the past 9 days and it has really left me with a lot of thinking to do. Life changing decisions> I really hate long distance relationships which put me in a tough spot. Its more feasible for me to relocate than it is for him.

Labels: Journey To A Better Me, Relationships