Dysfunctionally_Functioning

So as we all know I am on a steady incline of self awareness and motivation and yada da. So Over that last lil while I have gained a lil weight. hmmmm now to me I look fine. I mean I have always been a toothpick so of course when you see me now youre like DZAM! I am 5'9 and somewhere between 170-175 lbs. Which for my height I am good. Im not flabby at all but it is well distributed...minus the pudge in my stomach.:) Well anyway I started feeling all down and low ( u know that happens when you have the wrong people speaking into your life). And I woke up like OMG I hate my body blah blah blah. Yeah that lasted all of a day. I woke up the next day like Im the worlds next top model. But I did decide to actually cut out a few things for a couple of months and see how I like it. Of course I am countinuously working on the positive thinking and removing negative folk and things from my life. but I decided to cut out sweets and junk food until my birthday. and also smoking ( yeah I started back). So Yesterday was my first day.... Let me tell u I woke up like a bonafide Fiend. My body was like u have a few choices here... orgasm, nicotine or sugar what its gone be? Ok Praise God I did none of the above. Now I wont lie I did drink almost a whole bottle of wine on Friday and I promise I am not doing that again. I think thats why I woke up saturday depressed and hungover. Seeing as though I havent had a drink in well over 2 yrs...trust I remember why now. But anyway. I want to lose the pudge and tone up. I've never been more than 145 so I can feel this 170. So I made it anutha day..yaaaay so hopefully, prayerfully I'll make it and get my desired end. 28 may is a long time away. _____________SIDEBAR__________So in the midst of all this today my mom calls and tells me that one of my childhood friends and mother to 2 of my lil cousins passed away today. she was only 28 and a mother of 5. she was HIV positive and I'm sad but I know shes not in pain anymore ya know. This is the kind of thing that makes u realize just how short life on this side of eternity really is.It made me think about things like would you rather live life like there is a Heaven and die and find out there isnt or live like there isnt one and die and find out there is and spend eternity looking up at it instead of enjoying it? Im not saying that she didnt make her peace cause you never know those things. Everyone that thinks they are going to heaven isnt. Anyway just made me think. _____________Back to our regular scheduled program_________ So after moms woke me up with that bit of news my first thought..... smoke and eat. I did the latter but not the former. I am proud that I have a lil more will power than I thought :)

Until next time be blessed.

Oh yeah... please keep my people in your prayers.

Labels: Journey To A Better Me, Random thoughts and feelings