Dysfunctionally_Functioning

Today is one of the most celebrated days of the year. The thing that gets me is people fall into one of these categories. 1 being the Valentines Haters. These are the people who are usually single and has to piss on everyone Else's parades. Ive had my share of single valentines days but i would like to think I wasn't bitter about it. I received a text this morning that said Happy Crapintines Day. The Amazing thing is if they were in a relationship they will be all over the top about today. The others is the ones who go all out and wants the world to see what they're what they're boo got them. if their boo didn't send flowers to their job or class etc its a fight. To me this means that its all for show. I wont lie everyone wants and likes gifts myself included. I say why not show love all through the year? For me its nothing for me to leave notes on the mirror, the pillow or in the car. Whenever I'm away for a few days I always leave a card or place one in the mail for my boo thang. You see to me today is about giving and receiving love. If you don't have anyone to celebrate with celebrate yourself. How can you expect anyone to love you and date you if you cant do those things for yourself? Theres nothing wrong with taking yourself out. The only lame thing is pissing on someone else's happiness. The other group recognize today for what it is. They may show extra love to their boo but its from the heart and not the commercialized spectacle that the world has made it out to be. I started this morning off exchanging gifts with my boo and daughter before we got on with our day. Of course we have other things planned but they are all intimate and between us and the world. Remember if nothing else John 3:16 For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son and whosoever believes in him shall not perish but have everlasting life. Be Blessed World and remember love thy self

Labels: Relationships

I had a lot to say or that I planned to say but I'll leave it at this: RIP Whitney Houston. I pray that you are now in peace. My heart thoughts and prayers are with your family and loved ones.

Ive been told that when all Hell breaks loose it means something good is coming your way. If that is true and is the be believed then I must have something MAJOR heading my way. I'm trying to hold back tears as I type this. What do you do when you're tired of crying but that's your only relief? You have no one to talk to because no one understands. The people that do understand you haven't had the pleasure of meeting. These past 2 weeks alone have been so draining that I felt it would take me out. It's like being alone in a crowded room. Even my posts look bi polar. One post I'm healing and doing fine the next I'm ready to ball up and cry. My fiance says I'm in a self imposed prison. Who do I run to? Just when I thought the storm lifted a tornado hit. I want more I try to do better. The harder I try to move forward and break free of these chains it seems like the more I'm bound. Days like today made me really want to throw in the towel. My dad said I need to sit down and figure out what I want and what I need to make it happen. Um....obviously you're not listening. That's how I ended up uprooting my life and trying to make things happen. *sigh* I don't know what to do. I think I just need to sleep. Maybe I'll wake and realize it was all just a dream.

Labels: FML

I'm a lot better since my last post. I'm healing both mentally and physically. It's always good to have genuine people by your side. Now that I'm back on top not 100 but a good 85 I can get back to being productive. These last few days I kinda checked out. But with people praying for you and making you laugh its a lot easier to deal. My fiance has been a help. I will admit in the beginning I wanted to jump on him with both hands and both feet. Then I realized that he was grieving as well. We had a nice talk that opened the door for other things. I have to thank God because it could be a lot worse.

I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest. It's easy to say thank no one understands but that'd not true. It always seems that way when ure in the darkest of night. When everything around you has fell apart. For about a week now I've known I was pregnant but I've also known that something was horribly wrong. After being in denial I end up in the ER to find out I was having a miscarriage. I've went through so many emotions that I don't know up from down. I just know that I'm hurt and all I want is to be held and told that everythings gonna be ok. Yet I don't want anyone touching me. I'm tired of crying but that's my only comfort at this point.