Dysfunctionally_Functioning

Yesterday my BFF Jill :) and I were texting about relationships. While we both are single shes a single mom. That makes dating harder for her because she does not allow anyone around her child. Understandable. Shes recently met someone who seems so far to be a really stand up guy but shes afraid to pursue anything. Jill being my twin soul, I get her and understand her when no one else does and vice versa. Side bar: I haven't been in a relationship in a minute due to my choosing. I've also been celibate for the last 20 months 3 weeks and 4 days. Yeah... I counted. It's hard out here for a pimp. :) I had to take the time to get to know me really and love myself flaws and all. You can't expect someone to love you or know how to love u if your definition of love is jacked and you don't love yourself. All of this came on the heal of a rape, a pregnancy, severe depression and all the other madness that goes along with that. More on that later. Back 2 the story: I'm trying to convince her to give it a chance if only to gain a friend if nothing else. She's afraid that this one will turn out like the rest. Afraid to take the chance. I've been there and I understand completely. What do u do when your relationships have the same script but a different cast? The both of us have been let down a many a times by the men in our life. Starting with the first and ending with the last. If the man that helped to create you and bring you into the world hurts you and abandons you, y wouldn't anyone else? I spent my time trying to tell her that as women we must first love ourselves. Then we must realize that we are worthy to be loved. It is only after this that we can begin to heal and move forward. I don't know if that tidbit was more for her or for me. I am a firm believer that our thoughts becomes our words and our words becomes our world. Afterall, the BIBLE says that life and death is in the power of our tongue. In the end she says shes come to terms with the fact that she'll be single for awhile maybe the rest of her life. Now ya gurl...I'm not settling for that. I WILL get married one day. I know my Adam is out there somewhere. Where the hell is he? I don't know but he's out there. I refuse to settle for just anybody. I'll be single for a long time than settle for abuse, manipulation, disrespect and all that other jazz. But I also know that I have far to travel to get myself functional before I enter into another relationship. So the question becomes not only how do you move from the past hurts and pains to move into your future, but also how do u embrace whats in front of you without making a man pay for another mans sins? How do you become functional in a dysfunctioanl world? Sometimes you are your worst enemy.